Positive Vs Negative
Tuesday 25th April 2017
We all have worries and anxieties, some more than others, and until a few years ago, mine took up a lot of space in my head. I even used to have a lot of superstitions that I followed for fear something bad would happen if I didn't. I'd touch red when I saw a Royal Mail van, solute a magpie, not cross on the stairs. You name it I did it!
And at some point, this grew a step further in to me thinking that if I feared the worst about a situation in the end I would be proved wrong, however if I thought everything would be fine then it wouldn't be and I would have caused the bad situation. As I write this now I know this makes no sense. But now my mind thinks logically and at the time it was running on fear.
I gave up my superstitions nearly two years and even though I feared doing this at the time I stuck with it and eventually I realised that by not doing them nothing had changed. They were not controlling anything. After a while they were no longer even thoughts never mind habits. However, the worrying about situations took me longer to work on before it came to the point that it stopped controlling my thoughts.
The best way for me to explain this is to share my experience:
A few years ago, me and Carl (my husband) went to a hospital appointment for the results of my routine brain scan. For a few years leading up to this point, they had always been good and so we had no reason to doubt that the same wouldn’t happen. And strangely, it was the most positive we had ever arrived for a check-up. I remember us planning what takeaway we would order that evening to celebrate the good results (evening meals out were rare given we had a 2-year-old!) It was at this appointment we found out the tumour had appeared on the scan again. To our shock, it had grown. And somewhere along the line I started to think I shouldn’t have been so positive as it turned round to bite me.
Now skip forward to 2016, and I start to show symptoms which would suggest (as they did the first-time round) that the tumour was growing. I ring my consultant to discuss and he arranges for me to have a scan and blood tests. And so, going for the results we were pretty much convinced that it had grown further and it will now be the time to operate. So, imagine our surprise (and relief) that it’s not doing anything. The symptoms are just coincidence and don't mean a thing. It’s still the same as it was at the previous scan.
So now I have two choices - I can carry on choosing to think in the same unhelpful way or I can choose to control my thoughts in a way that works better for me. You see, if I chose to carry on with the same pattern of thinking, I will inevitably be putting myself back in that position of thinking that I must fear the worst to get the best outcome. Which essentially leaves me fearing the future. Or I can decide that I am going to be positive about the future and that what is within my control I will control. And the first step to doing this was recognising it and the need to change it for something that worked for me.
You guessed it, I chose the second option. In a lot of ways this was by no means the easiest option – that would have been sticking with what I know. But it is the only option that will ever work for me. And so I start to put more positivity in my life, I recognise the old way of thinking and remind myself that’s not what I believe anymore as it simply does not work for me. Given the choice, I don’t want to spend my life fearing the worst and secretly hoping this will make the best. I want to be happy and positive and know what is in my control, I will control.
back to blog